Davidism

“I think people in jail should only eat vegetables, they should not be allowed to have ice-cream or cake.” – David Herrington
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What the?

So….this past weekend David and I went to Atlanta to visit a friend and then to hang out with my family for my nephews 12th birthday. Trevor always has fun birthday parties. My brother hung a huge sheet on his massive garage door and projected the movie Avatar onto it. He’s an audio/visual guy so he has tons of equipment and set up surround sound through the whole back yard. It was like watching a movie in the theatre, maybe even better! I mentioned that David and I probably wouldn’t be watching Avatar because I didn’t think it was appropriate for a 5 year old. Nearly every single person tried to convince me that it was fine for him. I was told it has fantastic special effects and a great story line. Uh, David couldn’t care less about either of those things. He’s FIVE, people, he can’t follow a story line. Plus he’s not much of a movie watcher as it is…he nearly fell asleep in Toy Story 3 (in 3-D) a few weekends back.

This is the kid who doesn’t watch Spider Man or Power Rangers or really many cartoons. Well, he does like Tom and Jerry. One of the grandmas, who was trying to justify for me that he could watch it, said, “Well, they kill in Tom and Jerry”. Ummmm, no they don’t. They chase each other and hit each other over the head with a broom sick….that’s a FAR FAR cry from watching someone get shot with a gun or blown up. Seriously. David doesn’t watch much TV and when he does it’s Monster Jam, dirt bike racing, Minute to Win it, Americas Funniest Home Videos and occasionally something on the Disney Channel. He’s a bit of a sensitive child and I was afraid that everything Avatar would give him nightmares or make him again question if there were monsters in his room. I just didn’t want to expose him to that. For some reason I felt like I needed to justify my decision. Why I needed to justify my decision to anyone? I’m really not sure.

So in an effort to confirm my decision that we didn’t need to watch the movie I checked out http://www.pluggedin.com/. It’s a website created by Focus on the Family that reviews movies, video games and music for content. The following is listed about each movie: 1) General Review of the movie, 2) Positive Elements, 3) Spiritual Content, 4) Sexual Content, 5) Crude or Profane Language, 6) Violent Content, 7) Drug or Alcohol Content, 8) Other Negative Elements and 9) Conclusion.

I find the website very helpful, but do think some it’s quite humorous and a bit extreme. For example, under Other Negative Elements for the movie Despicable Me (which I want to see) it says: “The orphanage supervisor locks kids in a cardboard box (labeled the “Box of Shame”) if they don’t sell enough cookies to support the school. When Gru first meets this woman he tells her, in Spanish, that she has the face of a burro.” Now that’s actually funny, but for some parents I guess they wouldn’t like that. As a parent at least it educates you on what to expect in each movie that your child might want to see.

So when I reviewed Avatar, there were many things that made me not want David to see it….but even just under the Crude or Profane Language section it said: About a dozen s-words. Also, 10 misuses of God’s name (includes six or seven pairings with “d–n”) and three abuses of Jesus’ name. We hear roughly 20 other profanities (h—, a–, b–ch, b–tard, p—) and three crude references to the male anatomy (d–k among them).

UH, RIGHT. My 5 year old will absolutely NOT watch this movie. Ever.

With this ammunition I was able to go back to those who had asked if we were going to watch it. When I told them my reasons, luckily, they didn’t question me or think I was being ridiculous.

Previously in the evening, David had asked to watch the movie with the big kids outside, but I explained to him that there were bad words in the movie and we shouldn’t watch it. He questioned me…so I said, “well, they say ‘butt’ and ‘stupid’ and some other even worse words”. Right now those are bad words in our house. He asked me what other worse words they said. I told him that I wasn’t going to say them because they were bad. So he says, “Do they say, ‘What the hell?'” Excuse me? Did my sweet 5 year old just say “What the hell”? Uh, yes, in fact he did.

Jesus

David knows about Jesus. What his little heart understands I’m not really sure…but he tells us he has Jesus in his heart. He knows that Jesus died on a cross for our sins and he knows that Jesus is in Heaven right now.

So last week I was talking to him about a Christmas party we were going to on Sunday at his Sunday School teachers home. On a side note – This sweet couple have been David’s teachers since he was a baby. Each year they move up with David’s class and they will be with his group until 1st grade. How cool is that? We love Mr. Gary and Mrs. Laurie. Anyhow….I told David that we’d be going to a Birthday party for Jesus at their house. He asked me, very seriously, “Is Jesus going to be there?”

Then, this weekend David spent the night with a good friend so we could go to Brad’s company Christmas party. On Saturday night they went to a Christmas performance at their church. During the performance baby Jesus came on the stage. When I picked David up from Holly’s he said “Mama, I know that Jesus was here as a baby, then he was a grown up and was a carpenter before he died on the cross….but guess what….I saw baby Jesus last night at church.”

Bless that boys heart.

My child, the president, who is interested in anatomy

Tonight David said “I’m Joe Biden”.

Brad said – “Oh, no you are not.”

David said – “Okay, then I’m Barack Obama.”

Uh, why couldn’t he choose to be Abraham Lincoln (since he and I do share a birthday, ya know?).

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At dinner David opened his mouth wide (thankfully it was empty and not full of queso and chips) and said “Look I have two holes in my mouth”. He then proceeded to tell us that food went down one hole and drinks went down the other. I know I don’t remember much from my 9th grade anatomy class….other than how cool it was to dissect a pregnant cat and how awful it smelled…but I do know that he’s not exactly right.

So I told him that he does have two holes (so I may not remember the anatomy terminology) but that one hole is used for food and drinks and the other hole is used to breathe. So then he took a bite and then asked which side the food was going down – the left or the right? He proceeded to point from left to right over and over again trying to make us tell him which side his food goes down. Finally Brad said left or right (I can’t remember which) and David seemed happy with that answer.

This was one of those times that I wish we had a video camera….to record his utter cuteness

More Davidisms

When he doesn’t want to go to sleep this is the recent excuse: “God’s not making me yawn, so I can’t sleep”.

“My ear hurts….it feels like there are mashed potatoes inside”.

At dinner tonight we were talking about where things come from. Brad was explaining that apple juice came from apples and grape juice came from grapes. When he asked David where orange juice came from David said “the store”.

And finally, we were talking about where milk comes from – he immediately said cows. Brad said “where else?” hoping he would say goats (since we had talked about it a few days before)….instead he said “people”. Well, technically, yes. But we aren’t ready for that conversation just yet.

God made him do it

Last night Brad did some video work at the Brook so David and I went to dinner together. His choice – Zaxby’s. Not so bad, they have good food. And according to David a really awesome berry drink, which is just cherry Fanta.

We were sitting there playing I Spy, the game of choice at Zaxby’s since they have things all over the walls and he likes to find the most minute detail to spy, which I often can’t find. Did I spell the work minute wrong or is it really spelled that way? It looks just like minute, well, I guess it is. That bothers me. Words that are spelled the same, but sound different. But I digress.

So in the middle of a challenging game of I Spy and filling his tummy with chicken fingers he burped louder than I’ve never heard anyone burp in my life. Well, that may be a slight exaggeration but I promise it was loud – the high school kids sitting near us actually looked at him and laughed.

I glared at him. He KNOWS he’s not allowed to burp out loud in public. At least the boy has manners, he said “Excuse me” after the burp. At home it’s okay to burp out loud…who doesn’t think burping contests aren’t fun?

So he started giggling and so did I. When I gained composure I remind him that if he needs to burp in a restaurant he needs to do it quietly.

He says, “But mom, God is pressing a button that’s making me burp. I can’t stop it.”

Belly Button

A couple of weeks ago David was looking at his belly button when asked me what it was for. I explained that when he was in my tummy a tube went to his belly button and that is how he ate. (Don’t you like my terminology?) I continued to explain that as soon as he was born the doctor removed the tube and he started eating with his mouth. He thought it was silly, but moved on to something else – like probably playing with Match Box cars. So that was the end of that conversation.

So…tonight he was looking at his belly button and I asked him if he remembered what it was for. He said when he was in my tummy – it’s how he ate. Then he looked closely at his belly button and seemed puzzled. He asked “Where are it’s teeth?”